just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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