Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
