Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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