I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
a search helicopter?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
