Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
