apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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