hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
