Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
