i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
