is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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