Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
