I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
