Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize