I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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