If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
