Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
