Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize