I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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