There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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