sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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