We're like a lot better than the average bears
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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