and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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