Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
