Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
