my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need moral support for this bender
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
