Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my liver is dry heaving
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
