Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize