My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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