I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
