At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
