I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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