Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
