I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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