how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
