it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
