i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
