I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
