We're facebook friends in real life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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