Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
