I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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