Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
