It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
