I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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