I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize