actually, I'm a sock model
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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