There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
