Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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