Where is the hickey?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So vagazzling was a success
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