So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
