so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She bit a glass in half.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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