screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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