i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
