Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
