I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
