My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
