oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
