She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
