He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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