I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
