I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
