I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
