Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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