I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
