Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize