yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
