There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
