the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
