my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is my gift to your gina
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
