a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
