I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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