I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my poor anus
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
