You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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