i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
