why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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