i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
