Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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